Masking refers to the practice of concealing or suppressing one’s true thoughts, emotions, or behaviors to fit social expectations or to avoid judgment. This can be particularly common in romantic relationships, where individuals may mask their true selves to maintain harmony or meet their partner’s expectations, often hindering trauma recovery by preventing authentic self-expression.
While it might seem like a coping mechanism, it can have long-term effects on the authenticity and health of the relationship.
That said, we’ll look at 10 ways masking manifests in romantic relationships and how these behaviors can impact emotional intimacy. These are as follows:
Hiding Vulnerabilities to Protect the Relationship
Many individuals mask their vulnerabilities because they fear their partner will see them as weak or unworthy. This often happens in romantic relationships where one feels that showing vulnerability might make them seem less appealing or cause conflict.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, this is particularly common as individuals try to put their best foot forward. However, over time, this emotional suppression can create a wall between partners, making it difficult to form a deep, authentic connection.
If you’re masking your vulnerabilities, it’s crucial to communicate with your partner and create a safe space where both of you can be open with one another.
Pretending to Share Interests
It’s natural for people to enjoy spending time with their partners and occasionally partake in activities that they may not normally enjoy. However, some individuals mask their true feelings about certain hobbies or special interests to avoid disappointing their partner.
This might look like pretending to enjoy a certain type of music, movie genre, or recreational activity to avoid conflict or distance.
Though it might seem harmless at first, continually masking interests can lead to resentment and a lack of authentic connection over time.
To avoid this, it’s important to be honest about your likes and dislikes. Sharing personal preferences can lead to discovering new activities you both enjoy, strengthening your bond.
Faking Happiness or Contentment
In romantic relationships, partners may feel pressured to appear happy or content, even when they are struggling internally. This could involve masking frustration, sadness, or stress to maintain a peaceful atmosphere. However, suppressing negative emotions can create emotional distance and prevent genuine intimacy.
While it’s normal to want to avoid conflict, continuously masking unhappiness can lead to unresolved issues that ultimately strain the relationship. It’s vital to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their emotions, good or bad.
Concealing Personal Struggles or Mental Health Issues
Many individuals, particularly those who are neurodivergent or have a history of trauma, may mask mental health struggles to avoid being a burden on their partner. This can include hiding anxiety, depression, or overwhelming feelings of insecurity.
Concealing these struggles allows individuals to inadvertently push their partner away. It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is built on trust and mutual support, and opening up about mental health challenges can foster a deeper connection.
Acting ‘Normal’ Instead of Embracing Differences
Some individuals mask their true selves by conforming to societal expectations of what it means to be “normal” in a romantic relationship. This may involve suppressing behaviors or characteristics that are perceived as unconventional, such as having neurodivergent traits or unique emotional needs.
The desire to fit in with conventional relationship norms can be overwhelming, but it is essential for both partners to embrace each other’s differences. Acknowledging and celebrating individuality can create a more authentic, supportive connection.
Hiding Discomfort During Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy can be a source of discomfort for some individuals, whether due to past experiences, physical or emotional trauma, or simply personal boundaries.
However, some people mask this discomfort by going along with their partner’s desires to avoid disappointing them.
This type of masking can be detrimental to the health of the relationship, as it may lead to miscommunication or feelings of dissatisfaction. Both partners should feel comfortable discussing their boundaries and preferences without fear of judgment, fostering a respectful and understanding dynamic.
Suppressing Personal Boundaries
In some romantic relationships, individuals mask their boundaries to avoid conflict or appear overly demanding. This can manifest as tolerating behaviors that are uncomfortable, inappropriate, or even harmful simply to maintain peace in the relationship.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, and both partners must feel empowered to communicate and uphold their boundaries. If you are consistently masking your needs, it can lead to feelings of resentment and an unhealthy dynamic.
Overcompensating in Arguments
In the event conflicts arise in a romantic relationship, individuals may mask their true feelings by overcompensating or avoiding difficult conversations. This can include agreeing with the other person’s point of view, even if you disagree, or suppressing your emotions to keep the peace.
Over time, this form of masking can prevent conflict resolution and emotional growth in the relationship. It’s important to express yourself openly and assertively during disagreements, creating an opportunity for understanding and compromise.
Concealing Insecurity or Self-Doubt
Insecurity is a common experience, particularly in intimate relationships. However, many individuals mask their insecurities out of fear of being perceived as weak, undesirable, or inadequate.
This can involve pretending to be overly confident or suppressing feelings of self-doubt to maintain a façade of self-assurance.
Denying the Need for Alone Time
Some individuals mask their need for solitude or personal space in a relationship to avoid appearing distant or uncaring. They might feel pressure to constantly be available to their partner or feel guilty about needing time away to recharge.
Masking this need for alone time can cause emotional exhaustion and burnout. It’s important to establish boundaries around personal time and communicate your need for space in a way that respects both partners’ emotional well-being.
Final Thoughts
Masking in romantic relationships can occur for many reasons, from fear of judgment to a desire to keep the peace. However, it’s essential to recognize when masking is affecting emotional intimacy and to create a safe space for vulnerability and self-expression.
Building a healthy, authentic relationship requires both partners to be open and honest about their emotions, preferences, and boundaries.
The act of addressing masking behaviors and fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s true selves is important in creating a stronger, more meaningful connection. At Jade ABA Therapy, we provide compassionate, individualized support to help autistic individuals embrace their authentic selves while building essential life skills.
Our autism programs in Maryland are designed with evidence-based ABA therapy to foster confidence and growth. Contact us today to learn how our expert team can support you or your loved one on this journey.
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