For many autistic children, sharing can be a difficult skill to learn. Sharing involves more than simply handing over a toy or taking turns; it requires understanding social cues, coping with frustration, waiting, and accepting that others have needs and wants, too. These are complex social skills that don’t always come naturally, especially to children who process the world differently.
While some children pick up on sharing through everyday interactions, others may need direct teaching and consistent reinforcement to understand and participate in this behavior.
The good news is that with the right strategies and support, many autistic children can learn to share meaningfully and with less stress. Without further ado, here are some effective strategies that can be used to teach sharing to autistic individuals.
Create the Right Environment for Learning
Before teaching any social skill, it’s important to create a calm, structured, and supportive environment. Autistic children tend to learn better when they know what to expect and feel secure.
Introducing sharing in a setting with minimal distractions and a clear routine can significantly improve the chances of success.
Adults should ensure that materials are ready, sessions are predictable, and expectations are clearly communicated. Using visual supports such as first-then boards, visual schedules, or timers can help children understand when and how sharing will happen.
These tools provide clarity and reduce anxiety about the activity.
It’s also helpful to model calm and patient behavior. Children learn not just from direct teaching but from observing the adults around them. When adults demonstrate sharing behaviors consistently, it sets a powerful example that children can imitate.
Introduce Sharing Through Structured Teaching
Sharing should not be introduced randomly or during moments of high stress. Instead, it works best when broken down into small, manageable steps and introduced during structured sessions.
For instance, if a child is attached to a specific toy, it’s best not to start by asking them to share that item. Begin instead with neutral or less preferred items that do not trigger emotional distress. This allows the child to practice the mechanics of sharing without the emotional burden.
In ABA, this process is often guided by task analysis and shaping. A task analysis breaks down the behavior of sharing into small, teachable parts. Shaping then helps build these skills one step at a time, using reinforcement to encourage progress.
Teach Sharing Through Play
Play is one of the most natural and effective settings for teaching social skills. In play, children encounter real opportunities to take turns, negotiate, and communicate. For autistic children, structured play sessions can offer valuable opportunities to learn sharing in a low-pressure environment.
Adults can set up playdates or small group sessions where sharing is planned in advance. This could involve board games that require turn taking, collaborative art projects, or pretend play with shared props.
During these sessions, an adult or therapist can guide the interaction by prompting sharing behaviors, offering encouragement, and intervening when necessary.
Role-playing and social stories can also be helpful tools. A social story is a short, personalized narrative that explains a social situation and the expected behavior. For example, a story might describe how a child can share their blocks with a friend, what to say, and how they might feel. By reading or acting out these scenarios before actual play, children are better prepared to manage the real thing.
Here are two structured strategies that have proven effective in many settings:
Turn-Taking Games
These are designed to teach the foundational skill of waiting for one’s turn. Begin with games that involve just two participants and clear rules, like rolling a ball back and forth or using a timer to alternate access to a toy.
As the child becomes more comfortable, increase the complexity by adding more players or lengthening the wait time.
During the game, the adult can prompt verbal cues like “my turn” and “your turn” and offer visual supports to clarify the order. Praise is given for waiting patiently, giving the item when it’s the other person’s turn, and accepting the item back calmly.
Shared Goal Activities
These are tasks where two or more children must work together toward a common outcome, such as building a tower with blocks, completing a puzzle, or decorating a poster.
Since both children are engaged in the same task, natural opportunities for sharing and collaboration arise. The adult can guide the interaction, point out sharing moments, and reinforce cooperation.
These activities work well because they shift the focus from possession (“This is mine”) to participation (“We are doing this together”).
Address Challenges and Setbacks
Not every sharing moment will go smoothly, and that’s okay. Just like with any other skill, mistakes and setbacks are part of the learning process. A child might refuse to share, take back an item too soon, or become upset during the interaction. When this happens, it’s important to remain calm, supportive, and consistent.
Rather than punishing or expressing disappointment, the adult can gently redirect the child, remind them of the expectations, and offer another chance to try. It may help to revisit easier steps or practice the skill again in a less stressful situation.
It’s also essential to understand and respect a child’s boundaries. If a child has a comfort item or a toy that provides emotional regulation, they should not be forced to share it.
Instead, adults can explain that some items are “just for you” and that it’s okay to keep those private. This helps the child feel safe and in control while still learning to share other items appropriately.
Final Thoughts
Teaching sharing to an autistic child is not about enforcing social rules. Rather, it is about helping them develop meaningful relationships, express empathy, and participate more fully in the world around them. Through structured teaching, patience, and positive reinforcement, many children learn not just to share but to enjoy the process.
Sharing can open doors to friendship, cooperation, and communication. It allows children to be part of something bigger than themselves and to feel included in play and social experiences.
For many autistic children, learning to share is a journey, and it requires support, but one that leads to rich and rewarding social development. At Jade ABA Therapy, we guide each child through that journey with personalized care, evidence-based practices, and a compassionate team that truly understands their needs.
If you’re looking for trusted autism programs in Maryland, we’re here to help your child thrive. Contact us today to learn how we can support your family’s goals with high-quality ABA therapy.
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