Key Points:
- Identity-first language (“autistic person”) highlights autism as an integral part of who someone is, rather than separating it from their identity.
- Many autistic adults advocate for identity-first language because it validates their lived experiences and fosters acceptance.
- Parents, professionals, and providers can better support individuals with autism by understanding why language choice matters and how it affects self-esteem and inclusion.
Talking about autism isn’t just about clinical terms or diagnoses—it’s also about the language we use every day. For parents raising a child on the spectrum, you’ve probably noticed that some people say “person with autism,” while others say “autistic person.” This isn’t just a matter of preference; it reflects deeper conversations about identity, respect, and how autism is viewed in society.
In this article, we’ll explore the concept of identity-first language, why it matters in autism communities, and how families can use language that supports both dignity and empowerment.
Understanding the Difference Between Identity-First and Person-First Language
When parents first hear about autism, they’re often introduced to it through person-first language: “a child with autism.” This phrasing is meant to emphasize the person before the condition. While it can sound respectful, it also implies autism is something separate from the individual, almost like a condition that can be removed.
Identity-first language, on the other hand, places autism before the word “person”—for example, “autistic child” or “autistic adult.” For many within the autistic community, this feels more authentic because autism is not a detachable label but an inseparable part of who they are.
Think of it this way: just as we say “Deaf person” or “blind person,” identity-first phrasing normalizes autism as an integral aspect of identity, not a burden someone “carries.”
Why Many Autistic Adults Prefer Identity-First Language
Before diving into how parents and professionals can use language thoughtfully, it’s important to understand why autistic self-advocates prefer identity-first terms. The voices of autistic adults give us direct insight into how language affects identity, inclusion, and even mental health.
Here are some of the main reasons identity-first language is embraced:
- Affirmation of identity: For many, saying “autistic person” acknowledges that autism shapes how they think, feel, and experience the world. It’s not something separate—it’s central to their sense of self.
- Rejection of stigma: Person-first language can sometimes imply that autism is negative or undesirable, something that must be distanced from the individual. Identity-first phrasing removes this hidden layer of stigma.
- Alignment with disability pride: Just as other disability groups have embraced identity-first language, many autistic adults see this as part of a broader movement toward acceptance and pride rather than shame.
- Consistency in advocacy: In communities, organizations, and advocacy spaces, identity-first language provides clarity. It communicates alignment with neurodiversity and the acceptance of autism as a natural variation.
By listening to the preferences of autistic people themselves, parents can learn how language is not just about semantics—it’s about belonging.
How Language Shapes Perceptions of Autism
Parents often wonder if language really makes that much of a difference. The truth is, it does. The words we use carry weight in how we perceive autism, how professionals interact with families, and how autistic individuals see themselves.
Language can either empower or disempower. Consider these effects:
- Impact on self-esteem: Children who hear their identity separated from themselves (“a child with autism”) may feel like autism is a problem. In contrast, identity-first phrasing helps them see autism as part of who they are, not something shameful.
- Influence on professional approaches: Clinicians and educators who frame autism as a condition “separate” from the child might unintentionally focus more on deficits than strengths.
- Shaping family perspectives: Parents adopting identity-first language often find it helps them reframe their role—not as “fixing” their child, but as supporting their growth and individuality.
The shift in language doesn’t erase challenges, but it does reframe them in a way that values the person as a whole.
Addressing Common Concerns Parents Have About Identity-First Language
It’s normal for parents to feel uncertain about which language to use, especially when they want to show respect and sensitivity. Some common questions and concerns come up repeatedly, and addressing them can help parents feel more confident.
“Isn’t person-first language more respectful?”
It was designed to be, but many autistic people feel it unintentionally creates distance. Identity-first is often viewed as more authentic.
“What if people around me don’t understand identity-first phrasing?”
Using both when needed can bridge understanding. For example, “My autistic son, also described as a child with autism.”
“Will identity-first language limit my child’s opportunities?”
No. What limits opportunities is stigma and misunderstanding, not the language itself. Advocating with clear and affirming language often fosters more inclusion.
“What if my child prefers person-first later?”
Ultimately, the choice belongs to your child. Until they can express their preference, leaning toward what many autistic adults advocate for is a respectful starting point.
By opening space for discussion rather than holding tightly to one phrasing, families can approach this in a flexible and respectful way.
How ABA Therapy and Language Intersect
Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is one of the most widely recommended therapies for children on the autism spectrum. For many parents, ABA becomes part of daily life—helping their child with communication, social skills, and independence. But where does language choice fit into therapy?
The best ABA providers recognize that therapy is not just about skill-building, but also about respecting identity. When BCBAs and therapists use identity-first language, they send a powerful message that the child is valued for who they are.
Some benefits of pairing ABA therapy with thoughtful language use include:
- Building self-advocacy early: When children hear affirming language, they’re more likely to embrace their autism identity and advocate for themselves as they grow.
- Reducing internalized stigma: Therapy that separates “the child” from “the autism” risks reinforcing shame. Identity-first language helps children feel whole.
- Strengthening parent-therapist collaboration: When parents and therapists share the same approach to language, it fosters consistency and trust.
ABA is most effective when it’s rooted in respect. Families working with providers benefit from a philosophy that values both skill development and identity.
Practical Tips for Parents on Using Identity-First Language
Making the shift to identity-first language can feel unfamiliar at first. Parents often ask how to start using it naturally in conversations without feeling forced. Here are some practical tips to guide the process.
- Start with your child’s name first: Instead of saying “my child with autism,” you might say “my autistic child, James.” It feels natural and personal.
- Listen to autistic voices: Follow blogs, podcasts, or local advocacy groups led by autistic adults. Hearing how they use language will reinforce your own confidence.
- Use context to guide your phrasing: In professional or educational settings, you may hear more person-first phrasing. Use identity-first in family contexts while explaining to others why you choose it.
- Model language for others: Extended family and friends often follow the parent’s lead. By modeling identity-first phrasing, you influence how others talk about your child.
Over time, these small changes become second nature and create a more affirming environment for your child.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Conversation Matters
Language choice might seem like a small piece of the puzzle, but for families raising autistic children, it has ripple effects. Identity-first phrasing validates autistic experiences, reshapes public perceptions, and helps children grow up feeling valued for who they are.
As parents, you hold the power to influence not only how your child sees themselves, but also how others view them. Embracing identity-first language is one step toward a more inclusive future.
Final Thoughts and Next Steps
Identity-first language isn’t about being politically correct—it’s about respect, belonging, and empowerment. For families navigating autism, this shift in perspective can change the way you see challenges and celebrate strengths.
When paired with compassionate and individualized ABA therapy, your child gains more than developmental skills—they build the confidence to embrace their identity and grow with pride. At Jade ABA Therapy, our team is committed to seeing children as whole individuals, honoring their voices, and supporting their unique strengths.
Families searching for ABA therapy in Maryland and Virginia can rely on us for guidance that balances evidence-based strategies with respect and care. Take the first step toward empowering your child today by contacting us today.
